About Me

My photo
Barcelona, Barcelona, Spain
Like a crack on wall, my thoughts grow bidirectionally and wander not-too-beautifully. An attempt to see through the other side of this wall - until it breaks...

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Reality Check


The question: Are we real?
The trigger: A poster of Aishwarya Rai at a local Amsterdam shop. When told the shopkeeper that she's an Indian. He was surprised. Said he thought she's some Princess from the Gulf. So we might think that we are going global, but are we? The Flame (The Inner ME) has something to say……
The Thoughts: We have stepped into the twenty first century with lots of dreams in our eyes to be awakened. We contribute a sixth to the World population. Nobel prizes, World Cups, Olympic medals, Booker prizes and many other titles, we have had it all. Tatas, Ambanis, Birlas, Goenkas have made it all. Azim Premji and Laxmi Mittal can remove the total debt on India from the World Bank and the USA. Indians are becoming global both in terms of presence and value. We work hard and we work cheap, and that's the reason we are able to attract the billion worth outsourcing industry to our country. Aishwarya Rai is a guest at the Cannes and a Tulip is named after her is Amsterdam; a convention hall is named after Kalpana Chawla at the University of Florida. Mother Teresa has a street named after her in London, Mahatma Gandhi is still a respected idol in South Africa. Shekhar Kapur, Manoj Shyamalan and Ashutosh Gowarikar have made it to the Oscars. Satyajit Ray had made it through the Oscars. The sensitivity index at the Dalal Street is reaching daily at new peaks and drops. Our nation's economy is growing but then... somewhere... something is missing...! Our spirit as an Indian.
A girl is teased in public in front of us and we are still helpless! Or may be we prefer to be helpless. Mob attacks and destroys the busy market & we still like to watch the game! Where are we now? A common person's attitude towards nation's issues is, "What I have to do?" Or "I don't indulge in politics". We are just like the thin stretched membrane on the water surface that tries to hold the water together but even a single drop or the thinnest pierce carries enough potential to destroy the entire equilibrium and cause the water to overflow. We are all detached, detached from each other, detached from the fundamentalism of universal brotherhood. When every heart speaks up and makes an effort to get connected and attached to India's heart, all the problems will get solved automatically.
The flame feels that the patriotism in India is limited to some event only like Cricket these days. Or for that matter any International event where we represent. As soon as game is over, the national feelings are over. Are we really proud to be an Indian? Think again....
Every one is angry...angry about this system, dirty politics and the corruption. Who is suffering? Are the politicians? No.... but a common man! We are suffering from crisis... Bomb Blasts, Riots, Unemployment, Corruption, Population, Illiteracy, Poverty, Dowry, Sexual harassment, Pollution, HIV, Child Abuse and Marriages, Infant deaths... and the list goes on and on. Page3 culture is heading over our great Indian culture. Fashion and extravagance is what we called freedom? Modernisation does not mean to follow anything... anywhere!!
Kashmir is burning.... Mumbai is bleeding... & the whole country is standing on fire. So...Why are we silence? Why to keep our mouths shut? The flame within wants to open my Mind...my soul...my anger... and express my feelings... freely! So is the need for all of us.
Express your thoughts make our mind follow your heart and your acts will certainly get a value. Our each thought is valuable for someone. Nobody know your feelings, so let them know the REAL you ...truly. We all have got the potential and strength enough to build a platform to express our thoughts and give opinions on any issue. Let us Express our Fire! Let us listen to the flame once, burn out all the black shades within and bring out the REAL self.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Comfortably numb

After two months, I blog again. The subject and the object, unchanged . Object being my flame (the inner me) and subject being the thoughts within me.

The Thought: Are Indians better than Dutch? Or are they comparable at any level?
The Flows: Being an Indian I would rather like to follow the tradition of being politically correct. I would answer the second question with a big NO. No two individuals from different geographies can be compared. I being an Indian, have my own identity, my own thoughts and my own principles. How do I compare a person with a different set of thoughts, and a different quantum of emotions? I may offend a person without even knowing it, as what is good for me might be bad for him. I have been associated with people who are totally different in almost all aspects of life from us. I am working for a Dutch client for almost six months now. Indian way and Dutch rules, thats the way we are supposed to work. Although we had cross-culture training before joining them, and they also had a similar training for Indians, but did that help, or let me put it like, will it ever work. Well for some 'out of the place' associates it does, but not for me. Amsterdam is good, so are the people. But I can never change my identity. No bias here, but then the reason, roots down to my existence. My values, my thoughts and all gestures are Indian. We say, when in Rome, be Roman. I agree, you can eat Roman, speak Roman, feel Roman, walk Roman, see Roman, but can certainly not think Roman. And why should anyone do that, when they are proud to be the way they are, think that way they like. So although I know that I’ll have to spend a major part of my next year here in Amsterdam, amidst Dutch, I cannot change the inner me. My flame would always continue to dominate the outer me.

Finally, to justify the title, well was actually penning down this blog, listening to the song, and felt quite same. Feel numb, as I move down the streets of Amsterdam with my Indian friends. Are we losing our Identity? Why are we here? Experience or money? Mind is blank and heart is NUMB, indeed Comfortably Numb!!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Provoked by the Unprovoked

Midweek morning, I grabbed a news paper and started going through the pages. Unlike most of you, I do not start the paper with the headlines, I usually either start from sports or entertainment or other city supplements and finally come to the main news. I usually think that the main page news is often vanilla coated to attract readers. But this has changed since last few days. Two important things or let me put it up like, two happening headlines in India; have actually made me feel its importance. My idea says, ‘provoked by the unprovoked’, and I am seriously hurt and angry by what in my terms is baseless and unjustified. But I do not feel alone this time, the chorus is at a crescendo.

What happened on 13th of May 2006 in Mumbai was the beginning. I know that democracy is not just fighting for rights but also help the Government by acting on your part of fundamental duties. I was always against reservations in colleges and jobs. One small effort done by Mr. Ambedkar has resulted into nothing but a big fish to play around with for the senseless politicians. The thought behind what Mr. Ambedkar did was to give a fair chance and thus provide a initial support platform for the people who were till then ‘un-accessible’ (I refuse to use words like untouchables or lower class). Idea was good, effort was great, but the consequences are not. Demanding a 49.5 percent reservation is shame on us. I would like to ask the people themselves, why we need something that we do not deserve. Competitions are meant to get the best, and nobody has the right to change it. If we, the democratic feel that certain class of people need a support system, let it be at the initial stages. Let the government initiate high quality primary and secondary school level education for them. Once they are at par with other, they can enter any competition and walk out. All the ideas I say, I know there would be millions who think the same. Second part was what the police did with the young and in my terms courageous doctors. Using action forces against the peaceful revolution is like murdering the democracy. Has India really become so cruel that we do not get a chance to speak our voice? May be the government will decide something on this and settle the issue, but is it worth it? When will we liberate ourselves from the fake social obligations and actually start working towards the betterment of it?

Even after over fifty years of reservations, if educational and professional aspirations of the underprivileged sections remain in the realms of dream, then this means the system, as it has evolved, has failed to deliver too. The other subversion has come from the people themselves. Many see in this system a shortcut to personal growth and prosperity. To be underprivileged is actually deemed a privilege by many. A lofty scheme to help the deserving has degenerated into a race for securing ‘reservation’ class certificates so much so that the line of thought amidst the youth, the lazy and the zealous alike, is that one has to become backward to move forward!
I am proud to carry an Indian identity, and feel that we do not need any kind of reservations based on social standards. Reservations are not bad, but it is the base of those reservations that makes them wrong.

I conclude the politics of reservation and the profits of reservation have overshadowed the principle of reservation!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

WHY

People who always ask 'WHY?'. Are they dumb or is it that they suspect deeper problems......!!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Unveil the real

Secular by state, communal by nature. The land of glory and sun-shine has produced more than a billion smiling faces. The thought ticks my mind, and 'The Indians' play inside.

Let me start by contradicting my own statement above (the counter statements always comes from my other-self, my 'flame'). 'Smiling Faces', are they? Well as a matter of fact I would definitely smile while I represent India, but as a person am I really smiling, are Indians really smiling? Are Indians really happy to be where they are? Ok, let us not figure the Tatas, the Ambanis, Singhanias, Birlas, Goenkas, Mittals and all other whales in our list. To speak and sound quite cliché, lets talk about this Indian, the 'aam aadmi' (common man). Being the 4th biggest economy in the world, are we really capable of managing the millions displaced by the Narmada Project. Being the land of Taj Mahal, are we capable enough to maintain the dignity and ethnicity of north-east tribal. Being the 7th biggest country in area, are we capable enough to protect the wild-lifewhich we boast about. Being the most populous state, are we capable enough to eradicate Polio and create awareness on AIDS and Cancer? Being India are we capable enough to handle the neighboring countires like Nepal and Pakistan? Being Indians are we capable enough to act than advice?

Topics to think in a lifetime could gel with India. Discussions from almost all angles would include India. India is vast, and so are Indians. But is this vastness, killing us. I guess 'flame' would think so. But what happened in the last few days has also made me think in flame's direction. What happened in Baroda (my home town) during last week is a shameful event for all Indians. I am not trying to judge who was right or wrong. I am neither with the administration nor with the sentimentally religious people. Personal bias and disrespect to fellow humans is poisoning India like a big squid. What is right, being sentimentally religious or being religiously sentimental? None, I guess. For me religion is a subject of personal feeling and thought and not a social call or obligation. Sentiments should not dominate your religion. One should be religious from mind and not heart. People in Baroda were so must churned in the turmoil of their own confusions that they were forced to listen to their heart and act heartlessly. I feel bad for them, I fell bad for myself an I feel bad for India. Not because all this is happening, but beacuse people like me, can just advise, but not act.

Sometimes I just wish like Archimedes, a snap of time and everything changes to a very beautiful world. A world were everything would be perfect and just as beautiful as dream....... waiting for someone to unveil and reveal the real.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Science and nescience

Artificial intelligence is better than real stupidity

Is science helping us in many ways, or let me ask is it helping us in any way? What was and what is the purpose of science? Why do we need to depend on science so much? If science brings us medicines, we must not forget that the same is responsible for cancer, AIDS and Ebola. Are we ruining our life by expanding the scope or are we just living behind the strong magnetic powers of the technological sphere that attracts us. Whatever the counter argument be, I feel that it’s a science versus science battle that predominates the entire globe and will continue to bombard us with tons of inventions and discoveries that would eventually lead us to path of utter confusion and aimless satisfaction.

I do not say that science has noting to do in my life. The platform where I represent my idea today is science. Someone who was discussing this topic with me, said, ‘A man is curious by nature’. And perhaps that explains the inventions like the wheel or aeroplanes or discoveries like the laws of gravitation and buoyancy. But what I want to counter is the extent to which we need to go. Defining the scope of science would perhaps be one of the most stupid of all suggestions. Films like the ‘Matrix - Trilogy’ or ‘Back to the Future’ open up the sky as the limit for our AI researchers. Are we really heading towards the era where we would become friends with a mere piece of plastic under robotic controls. Would it be really possible to travel against time and light, change the history, witness the future or simply get LOST?

Life is described as nothing but a 2 dimensional graph of time and place by Stephen Hawking. If that is to be believed then it is not very hard to see where I would be 5 years from now (considering I have mastered the design of my life graph). If the events and sequences that are happening now, are nothing but a mixture of sound and light, then these images would be travelling, and all the images would have travelled somewhere in space? Can I actually go and see those images? That’s weird I guess. But my counter (I call it, Flame) believes that it is possible.

Thinking has no limits. And so does the belief that these thinkings can come true. That’s the power behind all the the inventions and discoveries. I conclude, science is better than nescience, but its nescience that would help us counter the ‘might be’ evil face of science in the coming future. 'Are we ready for it?', questions the FLAME.... while I sit, stare and sense a feeling of nescience.

A Dream of Purpose


"A myth is a public dream, a dream is a private myth."
-- Joseph Campbell

Dreams are so compelling, and they often seem so weird and strange -- surely they must have a "purpose" or say an "adaptive role" in the maintenance of our bodily or psychological health. Although I do feel that dreams do have one or another purpose, the counter part in me (I call it, my flame) suggests otherwise. It feels that dreams probably have no purpose!
I have been to many sites along with writing this web-log, the more I read, the more I found. I did find many new terms that not only explain the behaviour of our mind during sleep but also explains the functions of dreams and types of dreams.

My questions: Do we dream to preserve our sleep? Do we dream in both REM n NREM stages? How many times do we dream per night/sleep? What is the function of dream? Is it to compensate for those parts of the psyche (total personality) that are underdeveloped in waking life? Or is it that dream content is continuous with waking thought and behaviour, i.e. if we are outgoing and active in our waking life, and not very introspective and reflective, then so too in our dream life? Is it that dreams just happen when we are about to wake up due to hunger pangs, body breaks, or the need to go to the bathroom? The fact that we remember so few of our dreams -- a few percent at best -- also argues against any function for dreams. If they are so important, why don't we remember more of them?
My Thoughts:
It is said that our dreams act as a ‘cleaning software’ for our mind. The purpose is to save the good stuff and get rid of the useless. Not a good thought I say. It s also said that dreams are nothing but an ‘off-line’ process that pulls out some important events from the day. What is believed is that a very little part of the actual sequences we encounter is reflected in that. Often there is some little leftover from the day, i call it "day residue," but the rest of the dream is a story that does not deal with actual events. The story is usually plausible and even mundane, and it often contains the most important people and concerns of our lives, but it is nonetheless a story. We are thinking creatures because thinking is a valuable adaptation, but that doesn't mean that all forms of thinking have a function. My judgment could be changed tomorrow by new generation thoughts of young dream, but right now the preponderance of the my life and its events weights against any physiological or psychological function for dreaming and dreams.

Is it worthwhile to remember your dreams. Unless you find your dreams fun, intellectually interesting, or artistically inspiring, then feel free to forget your dreams. If they just upset you or leave you puzzled, then why bother with them? But how does one forget his or her dreams? Perhaps thinking of dreams as useful or important is the best predictor of high dream recall, then maybe telling yourself that they are not useful or important will lower your recall. It might also helps to turn your attention.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

~Paint me LIFE~

There are two primary choices in life – to accept conditions as they exist or accept responsibility for changing them. I have chosen the third way….
My note: The day has begun. The sun is shining. And the question starts filtering deep inside my mind. Sometimes I feel I think just for the heck of it. Does it add any value to my life? May not be materialistic though! Do I think to make me feel good? Does it mean anything to others? Why do I have to convince myself for the thoughts I think? Well the simple fact that I do nothing but just wait for some thought to hit me so that I can start thinking over it always ends up with some 100 more questions in my mind.
The trigger: I bought the original DVD featuring 'Rang De Basanti'.
The thoughts: I was in Amsterdam when the film got released. Read all the possible articles on the World Wide Web there, each one of them admiring the film in its own way. The image was drawn as a very light and rosy movie in my mind. Good cast, great music and a 'now critically acclaimed' director. This has to be a good 'paisa wasool' (Return on Investment), thought a part in me. But I was shocked to see what I saw after coming to India and watching the film for the first time with my friends. Totally unaware about the script till then, I must say, my mind was blank for the next few minutes after the film.
The film in my terms is a crude movie with a positive energy. It shows a basic human with very basic instincts. I am no critic to comment on the movie, but I guess the movie has the potential to pull the viewer and make him start his own thought process, which might be (and I think, should be) different from what the person next to him thinks. In other words, 'A thought provoking' movie. No wonder why I liked it. Unlike the creamy world of Johars and Chopras and very much unlike their movies, this one makes you quite uncomfortable at the end. No wonder why I did not see any smiling face leaving the theater hall. I was so happy after the first watch, I was almost on my knees to convince my friends to come and see second time. 'I am not that bad in acting', was discovered.
Total to count, full time watch is 6 and could not keep a count on bits of it. Still sit on a jobless day and think, WHY do we have to face a BAD political angle every time we try to stand far from crowd. Is it wrong to be different or think differently?
I always thought there were two kinds of people in this world, the kind that never accepts their life and keeps complaining, and the kind that accepts their life and act on it to make it better, and then, I met the third kind (who are happy spectators of all events, with lots of questions in mind).

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Live the river, swim the life

Sitting around on a lazy Sunday afternoon, my mind was forced to think on something I saw, I heard, I smelt and I felt. I saw the sky, heard the noisy mechanical engines gushing the road below, smelt the ‘still very fresh’ flower and felt this strange urge to wonder over my life. Why is my life a life? What is my destiny? Who would be responsible for it? Am I responsible for my future, a part of my life? But I did not create my life, then why and how am I responsible for it. But if not me, then who?
The thoughts I thought:
The best analogy that I think is the analogy of "life as a river". Lets take it up this way, we choose our destinies before our birth and it is analogous to standing on top of a very high mountain and looking down upon a vast system of rivers and choosing which river to undertake. From the vantage point of being on top of a mountain, we can get a good view all the rivers from their beginning to their end. As in life, each river has a number of forks and branches to choose from. Some rivers are more challenging while others are less challenging. Some rivers are very dangerous and can lead to disaster. But no matter which river of life we choose before our birth, the river will always carry us back to the sea. This means we are all predestined to eventually return to God.
But once we begin our journey down the river of our choosing, we have many choices which are not predetermined. The destination is set, but the method of our journeying is up to us. We can cruise down the middle of the river at top speed, or we can hug the shore and spin around in eddies. We can crash over rapids or chart a safer path between obstacles. We can slum along the bottom in the mire and slime of sediment, or we can glide along the sparkling surface where the air is clean.
The river is ours from birth to death. How we'll navigate it is determined by the hundreds of small choices we make each day. To discover our mission in life we must see challenges as opportunities for growth and then face them head on. Each challenge measures our strengths and progress. Even when trials cause pain or sorrow, we must look for new lessons in the pain and ask God for the power to learn and to grow from it. Suffering focuses our attention on what matters most, and with God's help, we can strengthen our spirits by learning patience, tolerance and love. These lessons learned, we become co-navigators with God. But when unlearned, we go into the eddies, spinning around, making little progress, even blaming God for our unremitting suffering.
We shouldn't mistakenly believe that the circumstances of our youth can set an unchangeable course for our river of life. Life is dynamic, and the river stretches and bends as we go. A bad beginning does not inevitably lead to a bad ending. In fact a bad beginning can give us strength to create a good ending.
But whatever the size of the ripples we make, one thing we must learn is to be grateful for whatever trials and gifts our Creator gives us in the journey. Let us be grateful for our childhoods, even for the negative ones. Let us recognize that life is what it is, and that we are all doing our best. We all volunteer for our positions and stations in the world, and that each of us is receiving more help than we know.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Going under, to come up

Am I starting my mission at the age of 25 by retreating into the wilderness? How long would I stay there? Much of the imagery plan is borrowed from "The Allegory of the Cave" in Plato's Republic. (I generally do not read Plato like stuffs, but have to say that I did disagree with him on many points; but I am greatly influenced by the way he thinks.) Plato says that an enlightened thinker is like a man who gradually struggles free of the chains of illusion in an underground cave and who learns by ascending to the world above and viewing things in the light of day, finally discovering the essence of truth by gazing at the sun itself. However, it is not enough for the philosopher to grasp truth for himself: he has a responsibility to descend back into the cave of illusion and free the prisoners of falsehood. This is what I mean by "going under." What arguments can you make that the discoverer of truth has an obligation to preach that truth to others?

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


Aint no bethar than thizzzz !! Have a fizzzzz !!

Tuesday, April 25, 2006


Why am I here. Is it because the crowd around me is doing the same these days? I guess no. Wanted to try this. After the addictive Orkutting, I welcome blogging to my list of addictives. Here i blog