About Me

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Barcelona, Barcelona, Spain
Like a crack on wall, my thoughts grow bidirectionally and wander not-too-beautifully. An attempt to see through the other side of this wall - until it breaks...

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Long time!! A fellow cab-mate alleged. Yes indeed, I assumed. You have been with you for a while now, FLAME whispered. And then my sane behavior vanished is the dense mist of thoughts and well crafted clouds of confusion. Why else on earth would I listen to a Tamil devotional, a Hindi romantic and a Russian rap song, in that order? I realized soon; FLAME was upset and I was so not not-upset! Why do we question at all? Answers?

The Situation: I was comfy in my cab when someone abruptly shouted, “It’s been more than an hour and your society is near. Why don’t you get down here and walk a bit – Good for your health!” Alright alright, we all want to reach home as quickly as possible after a day full of activities and planning, but no results! I chose to climb up the stairs of nineteen floors to my flat, a mistake I always repent (after struggling ten floors).

The Trigger: Why? The FLAME asks, as I stand staring at the reflection of my pollution nurtured hairs. I sit and stare again, this time my eyes pass through a chain of technology and human created objects. The laptop and its numerous absurd peripherals, 4 speakers strategically placed at across my room, closed windows, 7 electric adaptors – all charging and adding to the global warming, exotic French perfumes, un-exotic Indian medicines, copies of magazines (dated OLD), 11 take-away menu cards of nearby restaurants providing home delivery, crumpled bed-sheet and five pillows fighting for space on my six by three feet bed, 3 trousers and 4 shirts hanging with total insensible gesture, paper-bin without the lid, mosquito repellant that runs 24x7 yet manages to attract some skinny ones to suck my blood, a collection of over 20 books of which 18 remain untouched, an over-sized suitcase bought at my friend’s suggestion and a elliptical cross-trainer gym equipment that currently supports my backpack, couple of face towels, more than 100 grams of dust and a 5 month old English daily. I had never observed all these items together; items that make my room - MY ROOM.

The Vibrations: I read an article on ‘middle age crisis’ during my teens and felt it during my late twenties. Well, FLAME made me realize that! But FLAME is me, right? Wrong, says it. Am I really facing the crisis of my life? No, but soon you would, answered FLAME. What could or should I do then? YOU answer ME, it shouted back!

The Fight: Vague is Vogue! I was happy to believe this for a long time. I still do, though partially. Why should I network with people who don’t even remember my name (or in majority of the cases where I don’t) or make my lifestyle healthy and routine specific when I have absolutely no issues with the flow and feel of my Life? Why can’t I say everything and do nothing? Why can’t I break my resolutions and why people around me are more concerned about them than I am? I was enjoying taking FLAME’s position and throwing questions, without bothering to struggle for any answer.

The Answer: Unexpectedly, it had the 'Answer'. It asked me to recall ‘AVATAR’ – a movie I could watch till my death. The movie spoke about a network that the Navi people interacted with. Everything in their world was connected with this network. Even the spiritual Divines. You are a small node amidst that network, said FLAME. Goodness leads to greatness and being good with you and your life makes everything around you better than ever.

The Silence: That’s it! One statement in return of hundreds of questions is not fair FLAME! Couldn't be so simple. Or could it be? I promised not to either question or give that trigger to FLAME. I got it. Arrange, organize and plan. Arrange your loved ones, around you, so that you never feel the battle of life like a virtual mortal-combat game. Organize your life, so that you never stare at things that make up your room. Plan you actions, so that you never repent the decision of choosing the path or "stairs"! FLAME smiled at me, I reacted. Watery eyes and two yawns signaled bed-time. I would be asleep in some time, with no confusion or turmoil in my heart or mind. FLAME vanished and I slept.


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